I am not here to write a rags-to-riches story, nor the heart-wrenching tale of an abused wife or mother, thrown behind the walls of a plush bungalow forced to give up her talents just to raise a family, or of a hardcore professional making it big and speaking about leadership goals. Rather, I am here to share a real-life script, playing like a kaleidoscope along my life’s tapestry, in bits and pieces, merging, to make the woman I am today, at times reaching the pinnacles of professional success, otherwise, falling to the pits of personal failures and still rising with every fall. For that’s what I am, the free soul, swimming against the tide, even banging the hidden rip tides into a mellowed ebb and taking along with me fellow comrades who would love to succeed against all odds.
I was born in a nation three decades after its independence, and like a confused love child, was tossed between searching for the right embers to hold on to in the middle of an intellectually confused society. A time when we neither gave up the age-old Indian traditions trying to keep the woman behind household chores, nor were shy to accept the progressive Western thoughts of women empowerment and financial independence. Thus, my journey from a rustic semi-urban district of West Bengal in the late ’70s to the shores of the Arabian Sea as the present Group HR Head of a leading Logistics Company of the world was as dramatic as any difficult acquisition or merger looks like with all the backroom struggles and new policies debated around. Above that, I was a silent rebel, never spoke much, but even in my school days always played the mischief monger, experimenting with every chapter of life, as that challenged me and kept me going. I guess old habits die hard, and I keep experimenting with policies even today, innovative thoughts and ideas that would lead to greater inclusiveness of women at the workplace as well as keep the gender neutrality alive. I make no divide between the man and the woman, rather I say: “Give the job to the deserving candidate, never use gender to the advantage or disadvantage of an individual.”
The buzzword that constantly whizzes in my brain — ‘Invest in Women: Accelerate Progress.’ I never had ‘wonder years,’ at any organisation I worked for, rather I earned it through a nearly obsessive determination of mine to move ahead in life, despite debacles. No one gives you anything on the platter, how much qualified you are, everyone has to earn it and more difficult is the task for a woman. Why? Because of the social pressures of viewing her in multiple roles, as a mother, daughter, wife, daughter-in-law and then as a woman leader — a professional woman at times would naturally shy away from thinking big! In my first few years of motherhood, I often stood infront of the mirror and could see the reflection of Goddess Durga in me, one who we worship with great pomp and show every year in Bengal. Ofcourse I did not have ten hands, my two hands and the 24-hour day schedule made me realise I am a mere mortal, expected to act like the Devi, trying to be best in multiple jobs, failing to even recognise ‘Who I Am,’ and conveniently forgetting to love myself.
As life rolled on for me between office, juggling highly demanding jobs, changing roles, shifting from one organisation to the other, at a point I found myself staring at the rapidly approaching the first half of the 21st century. By then I was in a pretty senior position and as a recruiter and HR mentor came across different cases of men and women alike torn between the worlds of ‘do’s and don’ts, haves and have nots.
I spend my free time traversing the expansive shorelines of Mumbai, hunting for a way to clear and rejuvenate my neurones whenever I have sharp negotiations ahead or new policies to brainstorm about. The waves take me back to my childhood dreams of a small-town girl to reach the big city and earn a living, not to depend on anyone, not to barter my self-respect for anything, just to earn it. It was along these shores that one day I suddenly met Suparna. I instantly recognised her, that vivacious, smart, intelligent girl with a Harvard degree who was one of my best recruits. She instantly came running towards me with her two-year-old daughter in tow, stumbling to keep pace with her.
“Indrani Maam, so great to see you, how have you been doing? Are you in the same organisation? How is X,Y,Z?” she asked excitedly, as if the canful of queries she had hid deep down just swarmed in that moment of recognition.
Her enthusiasm was palpable, after years she came across someone who recruited her thinking she would be an asset to the organisation. I too was happy to see Suparna, though a part of me wished to find out if she was really happy leaving her job, and embracing domesticity and motherhood. As much as I heard from her ex-colleagues, she never joined another job after child birth. I asked her curiously: “Are you still a stay home mom, or you are back to work?” The question visibly made her shy and trying to juggle with the ball her daughter was playing with, she said: “Let the daughter grow up a bit, maybe I shall join again. I really miss my colleagues and the excitement around.”
“Haven’t you put her to school? She can join school and then a creche and you can start working again now that she can walk and talk,” I advised.
“Yeh, but my family thinks creche is not a good option for such a young child.”
“What do you think?” I asked her in my usual avatar.
She looked up at me like a lost child, tossed her head twice and said: “I do not know.”
I could still see her confusion on the brink of frustration, just like I had seen when a couple of years ago she had come to my chamber to hand me her resignation letter that said she is quitting her job to carry forward the high-risk pregnancy. I had respected her wishes back then, but I knew she could have taken a 6-month break and the company was ready to give her that. Yet her husband, her own family had a say, suddenly her voice got muffled beneath thousands of others who were nowhere present when by the dint of her own talents she was getting the Harvard degree or later on climbing the corporate ladder! Her motherhood was suddenly glorified, she was expected to be the Super Mother.
She looked at me and added: “I feel stifled back home. When my daughter goes to sleep, I just sit by the window and read a book, I feel as you had once said, I have wasted my talent. But what to do maam. I have got hooked to this mode of life and so have the others. I cannot break the pattern suddenly and if I do, even my daughter would never forgive me. She might think I was neglecting her.”
There was dead silence between us, just the crashing of the waves against the rocks, and giggling of her daughter as she jumped around. I looked out at the sea and could see hundreds of Suparna trying to swim against the waves, again many who ride along the waves and beat them. I did. I have a daughter too. I raised her and fortunately she has grown up to be an accomplished girl pursuing her higher studies abroad, always supporting me and my job life.
I never tried to be the ‘Superwoman,’ equally proficient in household chores and professional front. Superwoman is only possible in movies, I can assure you no one can be best at everything. I have failed so many times as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter. I am sure my dear ones had or have complaints, but I made amends, I searched for means to navigate, yet I never gave up what I was and what I could be. I have tread in the dirt, I had bitter memories that I fought alone on lonely nights when the family went to sleep, I had hopes that did not come true, shoulders drooping in the sighs of teardrops, ripped by boardroom wars or by my sick child’s cries pleading me to stay back, yet I rolled myself in loud peels of laughter within and kept telling myself: This too shall pass. And they passed, while I could fly high.
2
Invisible barbed wires always tend to make boundaries in every professional sphere as to which jobs are better for women and which are not. Jobs where a woman has to stay out of house late nights, where she has to tour countries, are never encouraged by the family, rather a 9-5 government job, or best is a teaching job. This stereotyping of the workplace never happens for the man though. Let’s keep the barbed wires at the country’s borders for the sake of national security and just cut them out where the talent and capabilities need to swim across borderless horizons like the inhibited clouds of a monsoon song.
As an industry mentor, I felt the best way to make a woman return to work is to cajole her with a convenient workplace environment along with offering comprehensive training and mentorship. A mother leaving a child back home with maids not coming on time and with the father at the workplace, if only she could bring the child with her and leave it at the office creche where they will be taken care of or have flexible work-from-home models. Small changes, yet big impact. I can see a flicker of hope these days, I call it the light at the end of the tunnel.
While I was working with one of the Big Four companies, I came across a wonderful couple who later married and had a child. Isha and Raghav fell in love while working, though they both came from what the society would view as a conservative business community where girls are usually forced into domesticity right after marriage. But here I witnessed an extremely encouraging real life tale. Isha was a chartered accountant and more qualified than Raghav who though smart, did not have a professional degree and was a graduate. Yet nothing stopped them from falling in love and getting married, so much so, Isha neither left her job like Suparna did even while getting married or after she had her son. There were days when I had to work late nights and would step into the twilight hours to return home, when I would see Isha too stepping out of the office. I asked her one day: “Who takes care of your son when you are working late nights?”
She promptly replied: “Raghav does, else my mother-in-law does.”
I had seen Raghav stay back in office after his own shift would be over and wait for Isha. They would return home together, just like a couple in love. Just to find out if this fairytale is still on, I followed them and realised they have made it. Isha is still working, the child is growing up and Isha has had her share of professional promotions too. What they did was just pulled a bit of string in the game of adjustments. A Superwoman never emerges on her own, she cannot just be glorified, but she is possible, only if the entire society stands by her, the ride becomes so smooth, Isha and Raghav proved that. It is said it takes a whole village to raise a child, I would say it takes a whole family and society to make a woman shine in her best avatar.
Glorification of motherhood is not what women need, just because some Bollywood Diva flaunts on her videos dangling babies and showing off what a jet-set mother she is! The minute you shut the dazzling lifestyle, the story unfurls differently for the average working woman. Society often imposes unrealistic expectations on women to balance careers with caregiving responsibilities. This dual burden can lead to feelings of guilt, and self-doubt, ultimately hindering career progression. We need to liberate women from this emotional baggage and just support them at home and at the workplace alike. Let’s accept, fathers also can cook at the day’s end, they too change nappies, they too need paternity leave so that his wife can join her job early.
Only the other day, I was interviewing an extremely talented woman Neha, who is also a new mother and is still unsure as to where she sees herself ten years down the line. When I asked her: “Where do you see yourself ten years from here?”
She mumbled and in a quiet voice replied: “May be Deputy General Manager.”
I was stunned at the way she spoke, such a lack of confidence in her voice. I promptly told her: “Why are you so unsure of yourself?”
Neha immediately replied: “I have a small child back home and hence I have to adjust my career options as per the child’s growing up needs.”
“Really? Is your husband doing the same?”
“No, he is based in Dubai.”
“So, you are the one expected to give up the job, or take a less trying one?”
Neha kept quiet.
This notion of prioritizing family over career for a woman always is the root cause of many talented women leaving midway. I thus always advocate for policies and practices that enable them to thrive in both domains. This means investing in childcare support, parental leave policies and creating inclusive work environments.
Having said that, developing policies and infrastructure is just one part of the story of boosting women’s participation in the workforce. To make it broad-based, HR leaders must stop evaluating the eligibility of women professionals for certain roles through the prism of the pre-conceived notions of their responsibilities as primary caregivers in their respective families or workplace compatibility. If we keep doing that, we lose competent and eligible women professionals and they are denied of their deserved career growth. Many recruiters are biased from the beginning as to what role a woman can play and which is not suitable for her, bringing in a lot of issues like safety, home, childbirth etc as obstacles. The scene never seems to change. Even when the cloud lifts, the sun never shines, unfortunately the foggy domain of a woman’s shared responsibilities stare glare.
A shocking example of how stereotyping of jobs are done, from my own life! I was in my middle career then and as usual was open to experimenting with anything and everything, even working as the factory head. I was accordingly put in a position where I would have to work factory shifts, a job that was challenging and demanding, none-the-less I loved to take on the challenge head on. But all was not hunky-dory for me. My immediate boss called me to his room one day and said point blank: “I cannot have a woman on my factory shift.”
I knew this was coming, considering the stereotyping of roles, and asked a simple: “Why!”
The reply was equally curt: “Because you are a woman and you cannot work in this challenging factory environment where you have to do night shifts too. I shall not have a woman here as I cannot ensure her safety!”
I felt like asking: “Then hire women security guards!”
Needless to say, I had taken up that role against all odds, did it to the best of my capabilities and so much so that the boss who tried to dissuade me, later became my mentor and ardent admirer. The glass ceiling thus needs to be broken, perspectives need to change. Managing female workforce in a highly male dominated supply-chain industry and related industries like manufacturing sector, oil industry and so on is the trick that we need to employ to make every system work. Times are changing, the change is blowing in the wind and it is for the better. Many organisations no more give any kind of preference or rejection due to gender, during hiring, promotion and internal progression. Take the example of a warehouse; we need to ensure that there is hygiene. I cannot discriminate between a hygienic restroom for a man or a woman. I tell that, the facilities which are applicable for a man will be applicable for a woman too. Same in giving loans to women to buy a two-wheeler and ride to office to save time.
Here comes an encouraging data. As per a study by Gartner, with women already comprising 41% of the supply chain workforce, there’s a growing recognition of their vital contributions. Moreover, the fact that 73% of supply chain organizations have established goals related to diversity, equity, and inclusion underscores the industry’s commitment to fostering an environment where women can thrive. This commitment is likely to lead to increased representation of women in leadership positions, as well as greater efforts to close the gender gap in traditionally male-dominated roles.
3
What a perfect balance Nature has! The clockwork function of planets traversing the universe, taking care that they never collide head on! If you shout out that because a woman is often considered an epitome of Mother Nature, so her balancing act between the personal and professional life comes easy. Well, it doesn’t. I have miserably failed many times to strike that balance and I have no regrets in admitting that. My daughter while growing up would often throw tantrums whenever I had to go on a work travel. She would use all her tricks to make the mother guilty of leaving her, the same she never did for her touring dad though. There were days when my packed suitcases would stand at the doorway and the ‘guilty me’ torn between wiping my daughter’s tears and checking my watch to find out if I would miss the flight. And every time I walked out of that door, a part of my heart would be left back home. But it was my husband who invented a wonderful trick to make my journey smooth. That’s the support I am talking about.
Arindam knew our daughter loved eating out, which I usually stopped her from doing. I always served home cooked food and hardly allowed her a treat at an eat-out. So, Arindam told her one day: “Every time mom goes on a trip we shall eat out!”
My daughter, bribed to the hilt would excitedly beam in all her glory and in a hushed tone would reply to the father: “Yes, dad, wow, I wish mother goes on tours more often than she does now!”
I of course did not like the trick of using food to bribe the daughter, but somehow it worked and Arindam ensured she gets a treat once in a while and not always and that too healthy food, yet he had made my official travels so smooth. My daughter no more cried or throw tantrums. For the aspiring woman building a career, grabbing newer opportunities, adapting to changes are as important as her family members too, who also need to equally adapt.
Have you seen climate change these days? Experienced its effects and impact? Scientists are battling it hard out there to minimise the changes and adapt to the new roles. Similarly for a woman, motherhood, marriage, are all big milestones of life that tend to rip you apart with burdens of new roles. With determination and support from mentors and loved ones, even the loftiest goals can be achieved. Not just the family, even friends help. I had seen a group of young mid level leaders in one of the companies where I served had formed a support group amongst themselves. They were young mothers too and took rented apartments close by. Rimli, one of the girls had told me once while returning home late: “My son is staying today with Keya’s family.”
“You mean Keya who works in the IT wing?” I had asked.
“Yes, we are good friends and since she has morning shift so this whole week she will take care of my son after office. She does the same when she has night shifts.”
I was very impressed at this kind of role reversals and I knew children exposed to multiple people and environment always grow up to be very confident souls. Same with mothers, they get to understand the dynamic lifestyle and feel much relieved to speak to people of her own age facing similar challenges rather than be lectured by elderly parents or in-laws.
Women are often portrayed as vulnerable. But why? Why did my previous boss strike me out of a role giving reasons of my safety? I have never enacted the role of a decisive fighter onscreen, but I was and still am a fighter, a silent one. I keep telling the female employees I recruit: “Emphasize competence and determination.” Like I told Neha: “Speak louder, tell yourself what role you see yourself in after 10 years.”
Simple steps create milestones. Like a ‘Gender-Responsive Infrastructure’ ensuring sufficient lighting at the workplace, panic buttons, and security measures to enhance workplace safety and efficiency for women. Such infrastructure not only fosters a safer environment but also boosts productivity, instead of saying this environment is not safe, so the role is given to a man. I have always been a ‘people’s leader,’ and believe everything starts with us. Unless we are all aware of social downturns, nothing will change. We are the changemakers. We need to make everyone aware of support systems, advocate supportive policies and legislation that promote gender equality and protect women’s rights in the workplace. This can include measures such as anti-discrimination laws and maternity leave provisions.
Even sharing stories among women help build a strong network, provide guidance, support, and career advancement opportunities. I too often tended to lose the balance. But every time I did, I knew there was someone to back me up, and that was my own alter-ego. In case of Rimli and Keya it was their own friends’ group. The balance chakra is within us, and only a woman knows how to beat the greatest odds of nature, of risking one’s own life to give birth and still survive. As a woman leader I am really proud of that little edge I have over the other gender, my instincts. I have always listened to my heart’s call and followed my basic instincts.
4
As a child growing up under a bit of a conservative father, I always wished to break free, I took up the tough life of a hostel, because I wished to be away from home even in my school days, I wanted to have my own livelihood, even if it meant a paltry sum. At the day’s end that was mine. I keep telling all women, Earn. Whatever you earn, just earn your own bread and butter and never depend on anyone. That gives immense self respect, instead of asking money from someone. Even to buy a lipstick, or a gift for a near one. The amount of freedom that pay cheque gives is immense. The first step to empowering ourselves is earning, even if a woman is a wife to some big shot in any industry earning millions and hence the wife need not contribute to the family kitty, even if a woman is a rich man’s daughter, still a woman must earn.
Let’s be fair and frank. Isn’t it that you feel empowered more around the first week of every month and a bit demoralised as the month progresses towards the end? The paycheques every month beginning do bring a broad smile to all. Unfortunately, over the years, women have learnt to settle for less. A recent UN Women’s report underscores the stark reality that women still earn significantly less than their male counterparts in the same position. Women earn only 77 cents for every dollar earned by men. This disparity not only affects women’s current financial security but also has long-term consequences, with more women retiring into economic insecurity compared to their male counterparts. The cycle of inequality affects women throughout their careers and into retirement. To combat this, industry leaders must advocate for equal pay.
In India, there is a saying: Man is the Provider. Provider of what? The raw materials from which the food of the house is made? Who cooks? Who serves the warm meals. Who sits at home, doing odd jobs like weaving, teaching kids to earn that extra buck and support the family. Or even use their skills, talent and education to earn collar to collar with the ‘Man of the House’ yet lose the priority in family decisions? According to the April 2023 Female Labour Utilization in India report prepared by the Ministry of Labour and Employment and Directorate General of Employment, around 44.5% of women were not in the labour force due to “Child care/personal commitments in homemaking.” As India strives to become a developed economy, it’s essential to recognize that gender equity is not just a moral imperative but a strategic one for economic growth and prosperity of our nation.
Regarding pay parity, there is a persistent gender pay gap, with female employees often earning around 10% less than their male counterparts in similar roles. Disparities exist not only between genders but also within industries and companies. Factors like industry reputation and educational background further exacerbate these discrepancies. Despite efforts to address pay disparity, it remains prevalent across various sectors, including media and glam industries. Even in the corporate world, where one might expect more equality, discrepancies persist even today, a hard to digest data, nevertheless we have to swallow the bitter pill.
To address pay disparity effectively, proactive measures such as transparent salary policies, regular pay audits, and advocating for equal opportunities regardless of gender or educational background are crucial. It is imperative for organizations to recognize the value of all employees and ensure fair compensation for their contributions and not just say a woman cannot perform in all posts, so they take a pay cut.
Women should never be allowed to feel they are second class citizens. I have and will always advocate for pay parity in every role a woman plays.